Everybody Loves Cid ^_~
by MateriaGirl
Summary: Not my exact fave character, but do you think it's sane to keep a pilot in charge of his own plane? Why?...{That has nothing to do with the story ^_~ Enjoy!}


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Author's Note: If you probably haven't noticed, I took the title from a show that they show on TV called 'Everybody Loves Raymond'. I don't even watch that show, I just heard it from somewhere. Anyhow, you'll notice something in this story that is…well…I won't say. Enjoy ^_~

Everybody _Loves_ Cid ^_~

Do you think it would be stupid to leave a pilot in charge of his own plane? Why? Well, maybe because it's his plane and he shouldn't be kept away from it. Or maybe because…you don't know how to pilot it yourself. Okay…Well, this intro was sort of pointless. But let's see what'll happen to AVALANCHE today…

Cid was teaching a new recruit how to fly the plane straight. Cid grabbed the recruit, Faregg, the Native Junonion {Get it, Junon…Junonion? ^_~} by the neck and snapped in his ear, "Boy! If your mother threw you out of the plane, would you fly or fall?…Answer me, boy!"

"I-I…would fly?" Faregg asked.

Cid laughed, "Ha Ha! Unless ya wanted to, you'd try! But everyone besides some idiot like you'd know that no human can fly without a machine!"

"Well, my mother says I have wings like the Great Phoenix of our people, and that I will soar high above the sky…" Faregg explained, in his accent.

Cid laughed again and threw a large weight at the window beside him, and the window cracked a huge hole open. Cid laughed, "Don't make me laugh boy! No one has wings, not even your native people! God, that boy has a big imagination!" He picked up Faregg and threw him out the window. "Fly or fall? Which one ya gonna pick?"

"Fly!!!!!" Faregg yelled, trying to flap his hands like a bird.

"Won't this guy give up?" Cid whispered. He threw the weight down at Faregg, and as Faregg caught it...he came plunging down to the ground.

"Ha! That'll teach you, boy!" Cid hollered, grinning.

Yuffie smirked, "For an old guy, you sure have a lot of fun. Can you teach me how to talk with a scratchy voice and boss people around and treat them like squat?"

"…It'll take a lot of work…But let me teach you the basics." Cid began, explaining some more to Yuffie.

Tifa looked over at Vincent, who was jumping up and down. She sighed, "What's wrong with you?"

Vincent chuckled, "Did you see that guy's landing? It was hilarious!"

"You mean Faregg?" Tifa asked. "The poor native Junonion who fell out the window, crashed, and twisted his leg up to his forehead?"

"Yeah, that one! Wasn't it funny?" Vincent chuckled.

Tifa grumbled. She walked over to see what Cid was telling Yuffie. 

Cid continued, "And then, if they don't pay any attention, you position your fist and JAB upright…like that!"

Yuffie began, "Interesting…But Prof. Highwind, what if they always pay attention?"

Cid grunted, "Then jab 'em anyhow!"

Yuffie smirked, "I like your style Prof. Highwind!"

"Professor Highwind? Jabbing innocent people? This is insane!" Tifa snapped. "Cid, how can you be so cruel?"

"Listen, Tifa." Cid began. "In this world of haters and goodie-two-shoes…Someone's gotta be annoying! Right, Yuffie?"

"Right, Prof. Highwind!" Yuffie smirked.

"Right. "Cid continued. "And so, in order to stop this annoyingness…kill 'em! No need putting up with their crap no more!"

"Then, Prof. Highwind." Yuffie interrupted, annoyingly. "Why are we plotting against Vincent?"

Cid raged, " 'CAUSE! VINCENT'S ANNOYING ANYHOW! AND HE'S GONNA KEEP GETTING ANNOYING! SOMEONE'S GOTTA KEEP HIS TRAP SHUT! TOO BAD THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! SO WE GOTTA KILL HIM! NOW, DON'T ASK QUESTIONS!!"

"O-Okay!" Yuffie agreed. "What about Cloud?"

"Cloud?" Tifa gawked.

"Yeah, Cloud!" Cid snapped. "We're gonna kill your boyfriend, and you can't do squat about it!" He snickered.

"Boyfriend?!" Tifa gawked.

"Heh Heh…" Yuffie and Cid snickered, grinning widely, tip-toeing out of the cockpit.

Tifa grumbled, "CID!!!!!!!"

{Anthem Chorus starts playing: _Everybody Loves Cid, Cid! Everybody Loves Cid, Cid! Too bad he's an annoying jerk, he loves to plot and hates to work! CID-----!!! Everybody Loves Cid, Cid! ::2 times to fade:: }_

Later on in the day, Cloud was peacefully carrying a bunch of papers in his hand, staring down at them, writing something, sitting at a desk, while Tifa was sitting across from him, warning him that Cid was plotting against him and Vincent.

"I'm not lying Cloud! Would you just listen to me?" Tifa snapped. "Cid's going to brutally murder you!…And so is Yuffie."

Cloud smirked, nearly chuckling, "What an imagination you people have." He began. "Cid…is a kind-hearted pilot who couldn't hurt a fly."

In the distance, they hear Cid yelling, "AH! I'M BLEEDING!!…NEXT TIME, YOU STUPID FLY, I'LL GET YOU! AND IT WON'T BE WITH A BUTCHER'S KNIFE NEXT TIME!!"

Cloud smirked again, "See?"

"Well, w-what about Yuffie?" Tifa asked. "She's deadly!"

"She's just out for our materia, remember?" Cloud asked. 

"Well…let's put it this way, Cloud…Yuffie's blind. She's a blind…materia hunter who can't see anything but pictures of materia in her head…And then, she bumps into you! She thinks you're materia, and is out to get you!" Tifa stated.

"Why? I'm not as round as materia is." Cloud replied. "…a-am I?…" He shuddered.

Tifa looked up, and thought of Cloud, getting rounder with each step. She shook her and shuddered too, "n-no…"

"You're lying, aren't you?" Cloud snapped. "I AM ROUND, AREN'T I?!"

In another area of the cockpit, Red XIII was "sleeping". But he heard everything and pretty soon burst out in laughter. He laughed so much, he started to roll…and roll…until he rolled out the broken window, and fell face flat in Mideel.

Cloud got up and started to run around the Highwind, "I'm round! I'm round! I'm r-r-r…ROUND!!!!"

Tifa stared at him. She sighed and looked down at the papers Cloud was looking at. There was a note there from Cid. Tifa picked it up and read it. It said:  
"_Dear Cloud,  
This is Cid. I want you to keep this a secret for as long as possible. But I'm plotting to kill your girlfriend…what's her name…Tifa, right! Anyhow, I'm plotting to kill her, so don't say nothin'! Or…I'll kill you too! {Hold up, I've already scheduled to do that!} Anyhow…remember…  
Signed,  
Cid Highwind _"

Tifa grumbled, "CID!!!!!!!"

{Anthem Chorus starts playing: _Everybody Loves Cid, Cid! Everybody Loves Cid, Cid! Too bad he's an annoying jerk, he loves to plot and hates to work! CID-----!!! Everybody Loves Cid, Cid! ::2 times to fade:: }_

Cid was dressed in and army suit, holding a "bazooka" he got at a cheap store in Junon. The advertisement for the store, looked like this:  
FAREGG'S WEAPONS  
Come buy some "top-quality" weapons from Faregg! The best-est weapon dealer on Junon! Come buy all your weapon needs from a guy who can't even spell I.Q. and didn't pass Kindergarten for 6 years!!! He got his diploma at 32 and this year he'll be 45!!   
ALL WEAPONS FREE! Faregg has just died in a plane crash {He didn't really crash…he "flew"}…we found him in a cannon…then by accident, Shinra fired the cannon and Faregg died in Emerald Weapon's mouth.   
So pay your respect! Visit Faregg's TODAY!…Yes, that means you!

"Come on! The coast is clear!" Cid grunted.

Yuffie rolled out holding another cheap "bazooka". "Where's the target?"

"Over there!" Cid stated, pointing to Tifa, holding another "bazooka", aiming for Cloud's head. "What's she doing?"

Tifa murmured to herself, "If Cloud did happen to want to kill me, then he could've told me sooner." She kept pointing the "bazooka" at Cloud's head.

Cloud was holding a "bazooka" at Yuffie's head, murmuring, "Alright, you materia hunter…I'm not round, I'm not materia…am I round…I mean, no! I'm not round!" He yelled out. "ALRIGHT, YUFFIE! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END!"

"I'M GONNA KILL ALL OF Y'ALL!!" Cid bellowed out.

"TIME'S UP FOR YOU, TIFA!!" Yuffie snapped.

"NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!" Tifa smirked.

Everyone pointed their "bazooka's" at their enemies. Cid at Tifa. Yuffie at Tifa. Tifa at Cloud. Cloud at Yuffie. Cid belted out, 1…2…3…F-"

Suddenly, Aeris walked in the center of everything. She looked at everyone, "What's going on?"

"FIRE!" Cid yelled.

"AH-"

THE END

Author's Note: I hope you liked it. And if all you Aeris fans really wanna know what happened to her…she didn't die {again!}. Didn't you hear me when I said "bazooka's"? Those cheap "bazoookas" from Faregg didn't even work…THEY WERE PLASTIC!  
Oh and for all you people who just love that song {not again!} here it is! Thanks for reading! ^_~

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Everybody loves Cid, Cid! Everybody loves Cid, Cid! Too bad he's an annoying jerk, he loves to plot and hates to work! CID----!!! Everybody loves Cid, Cid! ::2 times to fade::


End file.
